Life is so unpredictable. There are times that you can have everything planned so beautifully and something can happen to turn your vision upside down. Let’s be clear about the fact that “upside-down” doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, sometimes “upside-down” can be so much better than what you had planned. Of course, the opposite is also true. Sometimes what you had envisioned being a bore or waste of your time, can be one of the best things that could have happened. I’m sure if you are divorced like me, there’s no way you would have married that person had you known it would turn out the way it did. And on the flip side, if you are happily married or participating in a loving partnership, there are times that you may be surprised about just how good it is. You could have had no way of knowing that you or someone you love would be given such a scary diagnosis. And during that scary time, it may have been difficult to see a positive outcome. Is there any way you could have imagined how much you would love your grandkids? When money was tight, did you believe it was a temporary situation?
The point here is that no matter how much we plan, life is happening all around us. There is only so much control we have over the outcomes, but as the saying goes, “it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you respond to what happens to you.” At this time in your life, you want to grab all the good stuff and let the other stuff lie where it may. One way to do that is by unwrapping your gifts. The truth is there is a gift in everything! Yes, even the challenges. It starts with changing your mindset. Of course, it’s easy to see the gift in the good things that happen, but not always so easy when things happen that piss you off.
When undesirable things happen, like your flight gets delayed or you lose money, or when you are betrayed, instead of going to “Damn, why me?” take a moment to ask yourself, “where is my gift in this?” The first thing it will do is diffuse the tension, disappointment, or anger that is stirring up. It then triggers your body to release the happy hormone – dopamine. There are too many benefits of dopamine to list here, but the immediate one is calm and happiness. It is often referred to as the “feel-good” hormone.
A key ingredient to Awesome Aging is feeling good mentally and physically. This is the time in your life to feel good and to accept your gifts. Every day you are being given gifts, but unfortunately, it can be easy to get distracted by the minutia of the day. I challenge you to begin identifying the gifts that you are being given throughout each day. For example, on your way to meet a friend for lunch, a speeding car cuts you off, almost causing an accident. A normal response would be to get stressed and upset; maybe shout a few choice curse words. This could increase your blood pressure and mentally affect you for the next hour or more. Meanwhile, once you arrive at the lunch meeting, you are challenged to calm yourself and enjoy your time.
Another way to address this is to take a deep breath to calm down and ask yourself “where is my gift in this?” The first gift is that you didn’t have an accident. Then think of the other blessings that came with this…your car is functioning properly to stop and/or swerve out of the way; your grandchild was not in the car with you; you were not delayed. Now, feeling blessed, you can enjoy lunch with your friends.
Imagine every day all day you are being given gifts…the compliment you received from the waitress at the restaurant; your hair turned out nice today; you woke up pain-free; you didn’t break your toe when you stubbed it, and more. We are rarely consciously aware of these gifts flooding our days. Once you start being aware of your gifts and acknowledging them, your life will be so much richer. Richer is Awesome! If you have some areas of your life that still sting when you think of them, go back and find your gifts in that situation, and experience the freedom that comes with your new perspective. For example, as a result of the emotional pain I experienced from my last marriage, (yes, I had more than one) I became a life coach. That has been a gift to me and others. Look for your gifts daily and feel the joy.
Try it and let me know how it works for you.