Some of you may not know that I was inspired to start Awesome Aging because of my personal challenges with aging. On one hand, I wanted to embrace the changes I was seeing in the mirror and I wanted to honor this transformation that was happening physically, emotionally, and financially. On the other hand, I was often distracted by the youthful skin and bodies I saw in ads, on social media, and by my friends who have found ways to reverse the appearance of age or freeze it in its tracks. Even though I was clear that I didn’t want to freeze it, I was often still challenged by the fact that even though I felt like I was 30 or 40, my skin said I was clearly 60. And to be perfectly honest, my 60-self is not as cute as my 20, 30, and 40-self. So, I would be enjoying my life, loving how I felt, and then I would become startled when I looked in the mirror and was reminded that how I looked did not sync with how I felt.
Those are the times that I would forget how blessed I am to feel good, healthy, and have mobility. All of us don’t have that. Not to mention that some of our tribe are no longer here to even complain about it. And that is where the judgment would enter. Those thoughts of not liking the way I looked because I looked older. That’s generally where the F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) would creep in. The more I judged myself, I assumed that others were judging me. I couldn’t help but wonder what people thought when they saw me. Were they automatically assuming a decline in my physicality, my mental capacity, my sexuality, my vitality, my value, and my worth? Don’t know if you ever felt any of this, but I can tell you it is not a good feeling.
Wanting to remove that discomfort, I began searching for ways to feel better. The results of that search created Awesome Aging, which supports women in designing a life that eliminates the discomfort of aging and offers tools to live this chapter of their lives in peace and joy, happier ever after. One of our biggest obstacles in this area is self-judgment. It is also one of the hardest things to curtail and one of the most destructive.
“Self-judgment is a form of self-abuse. We often talk about the toxic behaviors of others and the damage it does to our lives. But we rarely stop to think about the pain we inflict upon ourselves and the damage we do to ourselves when we judge and criticize ourselves for ‘not being enough’.” by Luminita D Saviuc
Here are a few things to consider:
Self-judgment is a learned behavior. Don’t forget that you came here as an infant and then a toddler fully in love with yourself. However, somewhere between toddlerhood and adulthood, someone criticized you for not being enough and you believed it and started criticizing and judging yourself and comparing yourself to others. The good news is that just as you learned to judge and criticize yourself, you can learn to love and compliment yourself.
Suviuc says, “Self-judgment is just a mind virus you caught from some unhealthy person or environment.” The truth is that those judgments are just lies. Start being aware of these lies and replace them with your truths. For example, if the lie you hear in your mind says “I’m getting old and unwanted,” you can replace it with, “I’m getting better and bringing more value to my relationships.”
Commit to loving yourself no matter how you look or what you’ve done or haven’t done. Start by looking at something about yourself that you don’t feel good about. If it’s the wrinkles on your neck that bother you, think about something about yourself that you feel good about. It could be that you have great legs or you earned your PhD. Celebrate that and consider how that is one small part of the good of you that validates your worthiness. Once you begin experiencing how good it feels to honor and love yourself, you will want to feel that goodness always. The more you love yourself, the easier it will become to reject those things that bring you down. Self-love will become the norm and self-abuse will become rare.
If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Self-judgment can be a tough habit to break. You can feel great for a bit and then something reminds you of your unworthiness. Go back to resetting your worthiness and self-love actions. It takes time to implement new habits. Think of a baby learning to walk. Once she commits to walking, she does not allow a few falls to stop her. No matter how long it takes, the reward of walking in self-love is worth it all.
We have all experienced painful events in our lives that may have left severe scarring. The beauty is that just like the scar on your knee when you fell as a kid, even though the scar may still be there, it does not have to hurt forever or alter how you walk. I’m inviting you to walk the rest of your life in Love, Light, and Joy. You have the power to change your mind and change your life for your highest good!
Wishing you lots of Love & Light,